Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
