so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
