i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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