yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
