i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
