An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
