Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
