U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
