Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
