My brain says no but my pants say off.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
