It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
