I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
