Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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