found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
