Please, let me fuck your mom
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
