i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
