Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
