Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
