yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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