Betty ford says i'm here all night
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I would ride that face into the sunset
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