The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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