i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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