I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
