I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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