you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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