Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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