his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
