Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
