you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
