I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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