Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
