is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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