so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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