Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
