i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
