Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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