My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
