so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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