my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
