Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
