Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
