god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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