the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
