My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
