I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
