:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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