That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
