No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
