What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
