you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
