check it out our google latitudes are spooning
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
