kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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