im having a threesome with these popsicles
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
