You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
