508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
