dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
