eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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