You're so nebulous sometimes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
