Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
