She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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