and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
