just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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