so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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