The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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