quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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