I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
