I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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