I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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