Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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