only if we run a train.
done.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
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She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
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Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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