I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
