was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
