My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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