I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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