I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
