found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
