when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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