im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she looked like the before picture.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
