Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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