WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
