Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
