im about as happy as oj after his trial
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
