I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
