Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
