Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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